Counting down the days till I see you.

So.... this andrew bravner character has gone and made me a random youtube fan girl, which, I don't have to many of... youtube crushes, not fangirls duhhh. Anyhow, he's completely adorable. =P
So, on with real life. Today I had the day off from work, and I pretty much did nothing. YAY for nothinggggg. No, really... I didn't do like anything. I slept, I ate, I did a little laundry... here and there. Yay and nay. I get paid tomorrow though. I'm stoked about that. I bet the first thing I'll do is go out and buy magic cards... but i must resist. I can't give in to my geeky impulses. BAD. Athough, I do love it... and I am working on my angel deck... *ponders* NO. I musn't buy magic cards. I should save my money for my semester in London in a year. So I can buy things there... or better yet, I should get my shit for my halloween costume. Selene from underworld is going to be a hard thing to pull off, but I think i can do it. ;)
For boyssss and more life. People have climbed that wall I have put up... Josh being the first, Burke the second, Sam the third, Evan the fourth, Phil the fifth, Rob the sixth, and Pat the seventh... I kinda stopped counting after that. All i know is that pat imed me and he's trying. Working hard at working, but trying to talk to me briefly in the meantime. I'm not like a priority or anything so. I just like him. I think hes cute. And I wanna hang out with him. He seems to think I'm odd and crazy but I don't know how weird I actually am in person. I tend to be weirder online so... I'm sorry for all the people who think im a complete lozer and geek right now, cause I'm kinda not. geek maybe.. but not completely. I'm also more random online... and I'd rather be talking in person and chilling then typing pointless random words in a message box. When I like someone, I want to see them. And I like pat. Enough that I would spend however much money on gas for my car to drive and see him, even if its only for an hour. Hasn't happened yet, and idk if its bound to, but I sure wouldn't think anything other than me being crazy about this kid. I don't even know fucking why. Every word that popped up in that aim message box today had me going and doing the face. ^.^ the omg thats so cute scrinch my nose and giggle face. ARRRGHHH. idk why. He just makes me feel important a lot of the time. Not recently, but thats just probably because he's busy. He has a life. I don't. Thats the difference between us. God damn it. why do i not have a life. I like to think of myself as a somewhat attractive young lass... who... has a bit of a trouble getting and keeping guys.... and who wants one to kiss and cuddle with more than anything in the world right now. ... ahh. fuck. fuck fuck.
Life isn't fair. I always want what I can't have. Andrew is easy. ... accessible. .. and adorable... but why don't I like him? I what someone that has certain qualities. It's about the personality. He's fucking adorable... but when he went and got wasted and messed around with one of my friends I don't ever want to be around him ever again. I don't like to deal with people that get trashed out of their minds. Drinking a little is sexy. Getting trashed is not. And anyone to think otherwise needs to go throw themselves over a cliff.
I don't understand... It's not about the chase for someone... it's about the personality. I'm so lonely right now and I just want someone to cuddle and kiss, someone to tell me everythings going to be okay, but there's no one here at the moment. I could bring in someone inferior to what I would call my standards, but whats the point? In dating, I'm trying to find someone that I can live happily ever after with. Trial and error... basically. I don't know who, and I won't know for a while, but dating and getting to know people better will let me find that someone that I'm meant to be with. My prince charming. I could bring in someone who I know I wouldn't be good with, but I don't want to fuck with someone's life like that.
Everything that I'm looking for is worth waiting a few months for.
When we hang out, when we get back to school,
we shall see what happens.
But for now.
You're worth the wait.
You're worth the pain of being lonely.
Pat. You are.
<3Kolieface
(cheers to knowing you'll probably never read this. But it's okay. It's probably for the better.)